The Chainsmokers are an American EDM outfit who first broke out in 2014 with viral hit ‘#SELFIE’ which truly displayed their comedic ability to make music. I then realised when they came back in 2016 with number one hits ‘Don’t Let Me Down’ and ‘Closer’ that this wasn’t a joke, they actually thought they were good and original at what they did. I never thought I’d see the day where I find myself doing this but here we go, this is my review of The Chainsmokers’ album ‘Memories… Do Not Open’. Lord give me strength.

The term “brainless EDM” is something I’ve found myself fairly accustomed to using when describing the current state of modern chart music, mainly thanks to this plague upon our industry and their insistence to throw in unimaginative, mind-numbing and down right pathetic mum drops in every single track they do. The single ‘Paris’ is a glorious example of their incompetence as we hear a cringeworthy beat and an insufferable beat drop which would do well to fit at your auntie’s 50th birthday bash at the town hall.

The most laughable part of this album is their attempts at being edgy and moody by throwing in random expletives to try and come across as these emotionally charged people who are relatable and just so cool when in actual fact they would fit better in the front row of a 10am lecture at 9:30, just to make sure they don’t miss any important information. The first three songs contain explicit language which confuses me because the only people who would lower themselves to possibly enjoy this trashy music is dense radio listeners? So why would they limit their chances at people listening to them just to try and look like the coolest cats in town.

I thought collaborating with Halsey was the lowest of the low for these boys, but then they outdid themselves and got the plain pasta of the music world in Coldplay to do a track with them (‘Something Just Like This’). Now don’t get me wrong, Coldplay’s first few albums are absolutely fantastic but in the last decade they’ve faded into this awful position where they are desperate to stay in the spotlight so will veer towards trending topics and genres. The Chainsmokers too are trying to gain relevancy and alter their genre unsuccessfully so the two just combine beautifully to create one of the most painstaking songs you’ll hear all year. Speaking of features, Jhene Aiko shows off her solid vocal range in her feature on ‘Wake Up Alone’ but isn’t helped by the instrumental which is, unsurprisingly, uneventful and trashy.

Overall: 1/10
The whole album just sounds like a garage band project gone horribly wrong. It stinks of a rushed bodge job that they’ve tried to justify by throwing a few EDM drops in the choruses. Hands down the worst album I’ve heard all year and it’ll take something quite remarkably pathetic to top this. Please guys, either show some imagination and heart or get out of the music industry, its acts like yourselves that are killing this platform for so many people and the sooner garbage groups like you are eradicated, the better.


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